Below is a selection of letters we’ve received over the years that did something for us. Wether it was making us laugh, inspiring us, or left us with a feeling of bewilderment, the letters were all appreciated.

The Mantis Hall-O-Fame Prized Letter of Greatness

The Mouseman Cometh

Good Stuff

Only Young Forever

Fan who became a Friend

15 Minutes in Cyberspace

Made Us Laugh

A Fortune to be Made

Goodbye Cruel World

Mix This

Secure Sexuality

Research & Development

Trade Secrets Revealed!

Udly Toothless Babies and Such

Cornering the Market

We May Fit that Last Description

Nice

Giant Mushrooms

Flaunts to Her Jealous Friends

Providing Counseling and Therapy with Mantis

Helpful Ideas Abound

Art

Cool Envelope	Pencils with Color	Junk Mail Prose	Junk Mail!!
Chaos on the Streets	Nice Font	Time Consuming	A Clever Note
Would make a great Album Cover	The Searcher’s Friend

What?

Halloween Trick

This is What We Get

No Idea!

The Law

Trouble With the Man

In the House of the Man

A True Story

Missile-Analous

The Next Mantis Design	Selling Gibberish to a Salaryman	A Man with No Problems
Getting Out of Town Fast	Clean it out VERY well

Emails

Dead Meat Craves Girl
From: Christian Stau§
Subject: the german guy again

hi there ! christmas is comming nearer and nearer without any sign of mercy and i can’t order something on your homepage ! it just doesn’t work ! i doubt, that you can imagine my desperation ! there is a girl who saw your “have a day 2000″ calendar hangig on my wall and i had troubbles, keepig her from taking it with her. the problem is : she’s damn pretty and if i won’t give her one of your wonderfull calendars this x-mas, i will be not only dead meat….. i will be dead meat that craves for a girl who is angry with it ! please help me !

enslaved by my hormones ;o)
christian

Soooo Gay
Subject: well

well if you are selling stuff you should be a big company.and you said it was cool junk mail.it gay junk mail.duh.i went to your web site aND IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOO gay!!!!!!!!!!!!make a different and better ONE!!!!!make you stuff in the year 2000 DUH!!!!!!!!!we are wayyyyyyy pasted the year 1997

Joy

Tiny Brains
Subject: re No Subject

ARE YOU EVER GOING TO WRITE ME BACK ON WHAT I WROTE YOU???????

i made it soo big so those tiny brains of yours could read it

Joy

Oggling
Subject: Hey guys I need help!!!!

No seriously now, u see I’ve got “The Game” poster (and I must agree that it’s absolutely brilliant) but after quite a few drunken nights with my friends it’s got damaged on “The Magic Stein” “square” this is causing many disputes amoungst my fellow drinkers as we can no longer tell what some of the words say. Could u please enlighten me on this subject as my poster currently reads: “You’ve Got The Magic Stein! or 7 coupons if …………… here. With it all of……. coupons are worth………. Now go to a social slab!” You can see y this may cause many problems coz my mate all say that “The Magic Stein” make all coupons worth 40!?!?!?!? This is very annoying as we keep running out of coupons and peoples items of clothing r usually taken off and used as coupons, fine u might say but the problem is that I don’t really want to c all the girlies with their kit of (I don’t mind the blokes). Please mail me back with some advice on the subject before my place falls down coz of the guys fighting over some of them oggling the others naked missus. I really need a helping hand on
this one.

Luv
Nella Evans (South Wales, UK)

Deer Caught in Lights
Subject: Have a day posters

I just wanted to tell you that your “Have a day” and “Have a night” posters have been making people look like deer caught in headlights in my home for 4 years now. Thank you for calming whiny children, and stopping drunk adults from crashing thorugh the door.

Ken Quach

Slurry Typing
Subject: have a thursday

hey y’all!! i have a thing to propse to you fab cool and groovy guys (but frirst please excuse the slurry typing….) whenever i have abad day me and my friends class it as me ‘having a thursday’, and today when we were sat niccly in the bar getting out livers pleasently pickled, it came up that we should mention it to you guys! i have the have a day poster on my door, and am currently waiting for just nough wall space to become available for the ‘haave anight poster’ , anyway, as far as random comments go, i’m in the right (not necessarily terribly sober) frame of mind to suggest it to you… it all happened on one thursday a fair few weeks ago. i was having possibly on of the worst dya of my life, for walking into things, dropping things, being unable to construct literate sentances, walking straight (i hadn’t been drinking this day, allow me to point that out now!!!) and ever since then when ever any of us have a bad day we say we’re having a thursday! anywayzzzzzzzzzzzzz enought babbeling, for the mind is beginning to sober a tad!! take care y’all!! and rembeeeeer a preyinh mantis can turn its head 180 degrees and after mating with a male, it the bites its head off! (and who says buffffy the vampire slayer ain’t educational?!) yourss

kate

i want to be a tree said the little teeapot… meow!

Smiley Cures All
Dear Mantis Design,
I am writing to issue an enormous ‘thank you’ to you talented, good-humoured and just basically amazing artists. I am a 19 year old woman from Leicestershire, England who woke up this morning feeling worse than an alcoholic who’d just drank every cocktail on your ‘Periodic Table of Mixology.’ The cause of my depression was being dumped by my boyfriend of 5 years for my room-mate I introduced him to only a week previous. Looking for some light-relief, I ventured into the city of Leicester to buy the ‘Independent Woman’ album when I stumbled upon your ‘Have A Day’ poster in a record shop. The images made me laugh so much that I nearly forgot my ex-boyfriend (except for the fact that he used to call me smiley.) So please Mantis, to cheer me up some more, and because I’m from England, send me some of that junk mail you promise on your poster.

With kind regards and a big thank you for being so clever,
Stephanie Taylor

Ode to Female Farts
Dear gerald (of gerald, Brian and Jim at Mantis design). us guys rock and roll, but (a huge butt…), we’ve noticed that our wunnerful poetry has not been posted on your website as promised below. help. we dont understand. here is a reminder of what made you laugh.

Jim & Rog

.ode to female farts

like a swan
she glides along
all in white
elegant and long
you hear a noise
you smell a smel
l could it be,
she’s flatulant as well?

with shame aside
she winces not
pats her backside
then eats her snot
oh farty farty farty fart!
thou art liberating
rather like modern art
yah yah yah.

you stinky, fatty, stinky men
you’ve had your fun
don’t do it again
the females are out
the females are smelly
they’re going to fart
and fill their bellies
and scratch their bits
and burp and shout
re-arrange their tits
you’d better watch out!

Hat!
Hat!
Hat!

Or Southern Style…HAAAAYAAAT!
or CLAMS!

It all has the same affect.

Heya, we’re British, so we have an excuse.

See the problem is, well, OUR problem comes in the shape (and he is VERY shapely I’ll tell you that much) of a P.E teacher.

The calibre of your website has spurred a confession from us.

We LAAAAAAAVE him.

I’m sorry, but we just can’t help it…what can we say? He’s GORGEOUS. One hundred bloody percent fanTAStic.

I’ll begin by describing him to you all, just because I’m in the mood. He is lovely, tall, blonde, TANNED, he can snowboard, badly admittedly, but that just makes it all the cuter eh? And yea, with those gorgeous lovely sexy blonde curls, not manky ginger curls, not pubic hair curls.

Just loose, flowing BUT SHORT curls.

Bloody fabulous I tell you.

I swear, he is the only man with a thick set neck who could 100% send ANY reb-blooded girl into spasms of ecstasy. Is spasm too stronger a word?

Somehow I don’t think so.

You know? my little friend here has been in a SAUNA with him?

I would kill for that oppurtunity.

Oh to share with you the sweaty little fumblings of my teenage brain.

Oh sweet, sweet joy and life.

YUMMY!

There’s nothing else for it other than complete and utter abandon.

You know, I just managed to fit a whole toast crust, yes, a WHOLE ONE into my mouth.

No smutty comments please.

Anywho, so as we travel further down into the email, and further down into the depths of your boredom I imagine also. We can travel further down HIM eh?

EH?

Legs.

Legs like a Greek God.

He is the adonis of EVERYTHING.

Long, shapely, sigh inducing, fist eating, sleep distrurbing legs.

Legs to cause divorce.

Legs to cause insanity!

Legs.
Legs.
Legs.

Legs for…legs for…..(dribble dribble)

Sorry, I’ve never met you…I promise, I’m not usually like this on a first date.

Honestly.

Hands.
Perfectly sculpted, hundreds of perfctly moulded muscles, all working in harmoy with eachother to produce this mass of deft movement.

Artist’s hands.

Hands that could paint you a master piece whilst transporting you to a plateau of pleasure.

Surgeon’s hands.

MMMM.

Shoulders next…God? How can I even BEGIN TO EXPLAIN?

I can’t put it into words; so this is what I could muster;

flexing, ripples, toned, firm, strong, “I’ll rescue you!”

Utterly delightful.

Better then sucking tea through the centre of a chocolate Bourbon biscuit.

And that’s pretty damn good I can tell you that much.

Pectorals…leading down to a God know’s to what level of honedosity of a stomach. Jesus…I wonder…

Oh I wonder so many things.

I’m depressed now.

Very much so.

You know, the pathetic thing is, there is so much more to this story, I haven’t even got onto…well, I haven’t touched on so much.

I want you to put this up on your website. You NEED to, I don’t know how many other girls there are out there being perpetually tormented by the guy that they can’t have, but it’s not right!

When will the time come when men have no say in their sexual destinies? When will K-Mart start selling leashes and chains, and man-kennels to keep your pet man in?

When will our time come?

Oh roll on the time of the oppressed, when the down trodden, sexually frustrated by gorgeous men women out there, us spotty teenagers, when will our time in the world’s great magnitude of cruelty come?

WHEN?

I’ve talked for so long. Time for me to go and write heart wrenching poetry in my little secret note book.

Sob.

Sniffle.

Reply to Hat!
hello… dudes,
I am writing you this letter in response to an e-mail that is in your hall o fame. it is the one entitled: hat!(obsession of a P.E teacher) or something like that…anyways I would just like to let you guys know that not all of the female human race is like her.Not all ,but many(unfortunately including myself) I would like to tell you that most girls do obsess over gorgeous men that they cannot have (like myself and my sisters heavenly boyfriend).he is also a very hot God type of a man…oooohh Goosebumps! Anyways back to the subject at hand… that girl. it would be way awesome if you could post my e-mail on your site just to let that poor obsessed girl know that I am right there with her, in my own perfectly healthy obsession, and to reassure any other tormented teenage girl that idealizing any sculpted, gorgeous, seemingly perfect man…(drool!)… is completely normal.
p.s- thanks for the awesome posters as I currently own 2. keep up the good work!